52
Dozen. Week 17.
I
often analyze my son’s odd idiosyncrasies and wonder "is he alright? Is
something wrong with him?" The other day I was quizzing him asking,
"who am I?" He took a moment then, very thoughtfully answered,
"book." Yesterday he was sort of dancing...sort of just shaking his
head like a nervous tick. And there I was watching, asking, and wondering
"is my son ok? Will he be ok?"
I wonder if people watched me if they'd see my own crazy habits and wonder "is she all there?" Like the fact that when I walk into a room I almost always turn toward a light switch and sometimes flick it off then on again even when it was already on in the first place. I also have a weird tick with my toe as I ride in the car...I lift it when I'm concentrating on a particular object like light posts. Every time I'd pass one I'd lift my big toe and visualize myself jumping over it like a video game. Weird, right? I wonder if there was someone peering in looking at my odd choices of behavior would they sit back and worry "is she ok?" Will my son grow out of some of these weird ticks? I haven't grown out of quite a few of mine.
My point is this: we all have those things that make no sense to anyone else, some are just more obvious than others. At what point do you feel strongly enough about something to intervene and say something to the person you see that may not be ok? What is ok? What are we measuring it with? When does it become ok to point out others' idiosyncrasies while ignoring our own?
I got into a difficult discussion with someone recently who asked me "why would you adopt when you've been able to have 'your own'?" (Can you tell I HATE that language of labeling a biological child as 'your own' and any other child something different? Anyway, that's a whole 'nother blog).
This person actually said they wouldn't and couldn't, in good conscience as a mother, inflict difficulty on her own child nor put them 'at risk' because of some other child. That's why she couldn't see how people with "their own" children adopted, she just didn't think it was fair to the biological children.
Umm. What?!
Unfortunately I was at my job when this conversation took place, which meant restraining my words. I had trouble maintaining composure but was able to muster the easy answer "Well, it's not for everyone and doesn't seem to be something for you." She continued to elaborate how fearful she would be to bring a troubled child into her home or a child who may end up having more physical or mental issues that require more time than her "own" children. I had so much I wanted to say. I had so much hurt for the lack of understanding this woman had for adoption and its beauty and the fact that she claims to be a believer.
The fact is that every believer of Jesus Christ has been adopted into a family DESPITE, and in light of, their difficulties, poor habits, weird idiosyncrasies, outright bad selfish choices, and really just human nature to be far from perfect. Jesus picked you, despite your handicaps.
The fact is, if you don't understand how someone can love something that is not of "their own" flesh and blood then you don't understand how Christ can love you. If you can't fathom the idea of loving something outside of your own comfort and ease, how can you possibly accept the love of Christ for you? And if you can't accept the love of Christ for you and the sacrifice He made you're going to have a hard time loving others with that same love, those that are "your own," but even more so those who are not "your own" blood. And if you have that hard of a time loving others it's going to be pretty hard to speak truth to them, share the gospel with them, and see them meet and love Christ themselves.
I challenge you to stop thinking about the things that give you the illusion that they are "your own" as better than the unknown. Your own children are a good place to start. Not everyone is called to adoption for their family, but if you don't understand it or how someone would choose that path for their family, you need to ask yourself why? What about adoption makes you feel uncomfortable? Why you be unwilling to make changes and sacrifices to your life to accommodate the life of another?
Christ did it for you; God gave "His own" son to an earthly death to accommodate a relationship where we can be rightfully His. When you have YOUR OWN you don’t know what you’re going to get either. Perhaps YOUR OWN will have more significant needs than the children brought into a family through adoption.
I wonder if people watched me if they'd see my own crazy habits and wonder "is she all there?" Like the fact that when I walk into a room I almost always turn toward a light switch and sometimes flick it off then on again even when it was already on in the first place. I also have a weird tick with my toe as I ride in the car...I lift it when I'm concentrating on a particular object like light posts. Every time I'd pass one I'd lift my big toe and visualize myself jumping over it like a video game. Weird, right? I wonder if there was someone peering in looking at my odd choices of behavior would they sit back and worry "is she ok?" Will my son grow out of some of these weird ticks? I haven't grown out of quite a few of mine.
My point is this: we all have those things that make no sense to anyone else, some are just more obvious than others. At what point do you feel strongly enough about something to intervene and say something to the person you see that may not be ok? What is ok? What are we measuring it with? When does it become ok to point out others' idiosyncrasies while ignoring our own?
I got into a difficult discussion with someone recently who asked me "why would you adopt when you've been able to have 'your own'?" (Can you tell I HATE that language of labeling a biological child as 'your own' and any other child something different? Anyway, that's a whole 'nother blog).
This person actually said they wouldn't and couldn't, in good conscience as a mother, inflict difficulty on her own child nor put them 'at risk' because of some other child. That's why she couldn't see how people with "their own" children adopted, she just didn't think it was fair to the biological children.
Umm. What?!
Unfortunately I was at my job when this conversation took place, which meant restraining my words. I had trouble maintaining composure but was able to muster the easy answer "Well, it's not for everyone and doesn't seem to be something for you." She continued to elaborate how fearful she would be to bring a troubled child into her home or a child who may end up having more physical or mental issues that require more time than her "own" children. I had so much I wanted to say. I had so much hurt for the lack of understanding this woman had for adoption and its beauty and the fact that she claims to be a believer.
The fact is that every believer of Jesus Christ has been adopted into a family DESPITE, and in light of, their difficulties, poor habits, weird idiosyncrasies, outright bad selfish choices, and really just human nature to be far from perfect. Jesus picked you, despite your handicaps.
The fact is, if you don't understand how someone can love something that is not of "their own" flesh and blood then you don't understand how Christ can love you. If you can't fathom the idea of loving something outside of your own comfort and ease, how can you possibly accept the love of Christ for you? And if you can't accept the love of Christ for you and the sacrifice He made you're going to have a hard time loving others with that same love, those that are "your own," but even more so those who are not "your own" blood. And if you have that hard of a time loving others it's going to be pretty hard to speak truth to them, share the gospel with them, and see them meet and love Christ themselves.
I challenge you to stop thinking about the things that give you the illusion that they are "your own" as better than the unknown. Your own children are a good place to start. Not everyone is called to adoption for their family, but if you don't understand it or how someone would choose that path for their family, you need to ask yourself why? What about adoption makes you feel uncomfortable? Why you be unwilling to make changes and sacrifices to your life to accommodate the life of another?
Christ did it for you; God gave "His own" son to an earthly death to accommodate a relationship where we can be rightfully His. When you have YOUR OWN you don’t know what you’re going to get either. Perhaps YOUR OWN will have more significant needs than the children brought into a family through adoption.
I
apologize if I sound angry, I am. I fear way too many people on this earth have
missed that fact that Christ ADOPTED us despite our issues and He is strong
enough and wise enough to give me what I need to love, cherish, and adopt as my own any child He brings to my
home.
Will my son be all right and outgrow some of these weird quarks he has? I don't know...but it doesn't really matter, I have chosen him and he is apart of me regardless. And when we adopt, don’t ask me if they are mine, they are. Don’t ask me if my son and brother/sister are siblings, they are. Don’t ask me if I am their real mom, I will be. Because that is how Christ claims me!
One
of the sets of cookies these weeks went to a new friend whom I met through
another friend. She was kind enough and vulnerable enough to share her story of
becoming a bio mom and an adoptive mom. She shared truths with me that I know
will have so much precious value in our own journey. I’m sure she was brought
into my life for many reasons but for now I’m grateful to find a friend whose
heart for children and mothering them no matter how God sent their soul to
earth is so similar to mine. So few people seem to understand and have formed
their own opinions but I’m glad to find a friend with a similar heart. I look
forward to much more time with her and her beautiful family.
Cheesecake
cookies were my weapon of choice! They were SO yummy. I’ll post the recipe with
the others later.
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