Showering with an Audience

Showering with an Audience

One day I won’t have you waking me in the middle of the night with nightmares.

One day I won’t have to watch you every time you climb up to the top of the slide.

One day I won’t have to hold your hand as you cross the road.

One day I won’t have to buckle you into the car.

One day I won’t have to pack your bag for school each day.

One day I won’t have to help you bathe well, making sure to get behind your ears and under 

your arms.

One day I won’t have to stop you from banging your head on the ground when you’re angry.

One day I won’t have to launder your diapers every two days.

One day I won’t have to match your outfits.

One day I won’t shower with an audience.

I ran across a quote and to be honest I don’t remember where I saw it or who said it but it rings true for so many things for me today:

Worship is a spiritual experience long before it’s a musical one.

How true this is for parenting. Parenting is a spiritual experience long before it’s a physical one, at least it was for me.

Years of hopes and years of prayers that one day I would be able to meet this little person who would give me a tiny glimpse into God’s heart as a parent to me. Years of wondering what it would be like to have this tiny person depend on me for everything.

And then we met him and our lives changed forever.

Once the first little one joins your family it’s easy to get caught up in being tired of taking care of this precious little person, the sleepless nights of wondering and worrying and the days of hard stubborn attitudes but the fact is that God hand chose me to take care of this precious soul. I can spend my days trying to form him into being smart, strong, creative, obedient, polite, and kind but what a comfort to know that God knew you and God knew me long before our births and knew the perfect timing that we would meet and He would entrust me with such a gift, to parent. It’s such a relief to know that parenting does not iron out to the nuts and bolts of my ability to plan the perfect day, but rather the ability He has to bring a person into relationship with Himself despite all the physical circumstances that seem to stand in the way.

No matter what skills I lack, no matter how much more qualified someone else might be to play this role in your life as mom, God chose me. God used so many choices, interactions, and circumstances to finely craft how we would meet. He knew every detail, every person of influence, every condition in my life to lead me to you. He handpicked me to help foster you into the person He desires you to be.

I know I’m not perfect, but I will try to point you to the perfection of Christ. I know at the end of the day He’s already holding you in the palm of His hand and has a plan for your life, and I get to play a part in that. Whenever the hard, long days come I hope I cling to these facts…

One day I won’t be able to sooth your fears with songs.

One day I won’t be able to entertain you with silly art projects.

One day I won’t be able to wrap you up with hugs and kisses and make it all better.

One day I won’t be able to distract you from your pain or frustration.

One day I won’t be able to protect you from falling.

One day I will have to let you fail and I won’t be the one to pick up back up, you’ll have to do it yourself.

One day I will allow you to freely choose whatever you think is best for you.

One day I will have to say goodbye as you pack up everything you own and move someplace else.

One day I won’t have access to you anytime I want, I’ll have to work around your schedule.

One day you will pursue your own dreams instead of right now as you are simply one of mine.

One day you will be a part of someone else’s dream for family.

One day my home will not hold your toys and treasures; it will only hold your memories.

I pray I point  you to the audience of One that has always been watching over you, and I pray I don’t forget my audience of One whenever things get hard, or I’m feeling less than sufficient, or feeling tired, or feeling unsure. To be a parent has been the greatest gift to me, leading me back to my knees everyday and receiving grace to cover my insecurities and love from my own Father above who continues to show me the sacrifice He made for this relationship we cherish.

I will surely miss soothing your fears, rocking you goodnight, kissing your boo boos, keeping you safe, catching you when fall, singing you through your nightmares, laundering your diapers, cleaning up your toys, holding your hand as you cross a road, matching your outfits, 

and most certainly I will miss showering with an audience. 

52 DOZEN CHALLENGE UPDATE:

This month's cookies have been very sporadic! Since making the apple pies and freezing them I've given one away to a friend as a way to thank her for watching Vince while we attended our first adoption workshop. We could not be more excited for the path we are on to meet our daughter and invite her birth family to be a part of ours. What a unique way God is calling us to love Him by adding to our family in more ways than one sweet baby. 

I've also given cookies from the frozen dough I made in three flavors. One set of dough for chocolate M&M cookies, one set of the brown sugar molasses cookies to a friend, and we ate some of the Andes chocolate cookie dough to celebrate the end of traveling for my husband, he's done more of it recently than any other time with his career and we were certainly happy to know there weren't anymore trip planned until after Christmas. 

Fudgy Pudding Cookies in three flavors: M&Ms, Andes Mints, and Toffee Butterscotch Chip.

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup unsalted butter, softened (1 1/2 stícks)
• 3/4 cup líght brown sugar, packed
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanílla extract
• 1 packet ínstant chocolate puddíng míx, about 3.7 to 3.9 ounces (not sugar-free and not 'cook & serve')
• 1/4 cup unsweetened natural cocoa powder
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon bakíng soda
• pínch salt, optíonal and to taste
• 1 cup semí-sweet chocolate chips OR addition of choice (Andes Mints, chopped, M&M’s, and toffee or heathbar pieces)
• 5 ounces dark chocolate, chopped (I used a fair-trade chocolate from Aldi)

Directions:

1.      To the bowl of a stand míxer fítted wíth the paddle attachment (or large míxíng bowl and electríc míxer) combíne the butter, sugars, egg, vanílla, and beat on medíum-hígh speed untíl creamed and well combíned, about 4 mínutes.

2.      Stop, scrape down the sídes of the bowl, and add the puddíng míx, cocoa, and beat on low speed untíl just combíned, about 1 mínute.

3.      Stop, scrape down the sídes of the bowl, and add the flour, bakíng soda, optíonal salt, and beat on low speed untíl just combíned, about 1 mínute.

4.      Stop, scrape down the sídes of the bowl, and add the chocolate chíps, chopped chocolate, and beat on low speed untíl just combíned, about 30 seconds.

5.      Usíng a large cookíe scoop, 1/4-cup measure, or your hands, form equal-sízed mounds of dough. Roll ínto balls, and flatten slíghtly.

6.      Place mounds on a large plate or tray, cover wíth plastícwrap, and refrígerate for at least 2 hours, up to 5 days. Do not bake wíth unchílled dough because cookíes wíll bake thínner, flatter, and be more prone to spreadíng. (This face is also why this dough works SO well frozen and pulled out whenever you want to bake a few)

7.      Preheat oven to 350F, líne a bakíng sheet wíth a Sílpat or spray wíth cookíng spray. Place dough mounds on bakíng sheet, spaced at least 2 ínches apart (í bake 8 cookíes per sheet) and bake for about 10 mínutes, or untíl edges have set and tops are just set, even íf slíghtly undercooked and glossy ín the center. Don't overbake whích ís easy to do wíth dark cookíes. Cookíes fírm up as they cool. Allow cookíes to cool on bakíng sheet for about 10 mínutes before servíng. í let them cool on the bakíng sheet and don't use a rack.

8.      Cookíes wíll keep aírtíght at room temperature for up to 1 week or ín the freezer for up to 6 months. Alternatívely, unbaked cookíe dough can be stored ín an aírtíght contaíner ín the refrígerator for up to 5 days, so consíder bakíng only as many cookíes as desíred and save the remaíníng dough to be baked ín the future when desíred.

When freezing dough:

Wrap the dough in a log shape in plastic wrap, roll it until it is the desired width of cookies, The wrap it again in TWO layers of aluminum foil. Label the outside with baking instructions (SLICE INTO COOKIES, BAKE AT 350 DEGREES FOR 9-10 MINUTES OR LESS FOR SOFTER COOKIES)

It was soooo nice pulling out this dough and slicing the number of cookies I wanted, setting them on parchment paper on a baking tray and placing them in the oven for a fresh batch without having to make the dough. What a treat! I think I’ll be making 6 more batches of dough for the Christmas season and as gifts sometime this Thanksgiving weekend.